A new book which I bought 2 months ago by Paulo Coelho , THE ZAHIR’ . It’s a novel of obsession and finally I managed to finish reading it. I feel odd and peculiar as normally it would take up 2- 3 days for me to finish up reading book especially with my favourite author but this time around it took an effort to complete it. I wonder if this is a sign to change the path? or Have I ever itched to make a change in my life? But not sure if I am ready to move, switch careers or otherwise upend my settled ways of doing things? I read this article and here are some signs that I believe, I am ready to make a major shift.
I used to be a very fast woman. It is not in the X-Men or rated sense, but in a personal-velocity sense. Eating, walking, shopping, talking even showering and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Sometimes when I talk to people, they did not even understand what I am trying to say. All in all, everything I did at a tripple-time. Energizer Bunny pace. It could be the age factor but then again when I realised even I have crossed two years and half decade of life; I was still burning really fast. Perhaps, its our own lifestyle and the environment, in my case it would be my working lifestyle.
Then, one day I woke up and sat down, switched on my laptop and begun to reply a few emails, started writing my proposal and eventually I noticed my bedside table clock; it read 630am. By 7 am, I was done. And I was not even in a rush! In that moment, with still tapping a few liners to complete the first subject of the proposal, Jaan gave me a morning wake up as usual (Thank you darling for being such a thoughtful person), a light bulb went on: I felt something different, alien. I took my towel and went to have my shower on my own sweet time.
I began to think about my life. Did it really take me only 5 minutes to have my shower? More important, did I enjoy it ? and my answer is big NO!. I decided to test myself, everything I did, I would time with my watch. So here are the results of phase one of my Slow-the-Hell-Down itinerary. Eating lunch: 1-2 minutes ( if I am alone, if I have someone or to accompany me that is going to be something different, normally I would have said first ‘let’s go !’ period.). Showering : 5 minutes that includes pooing. Cleaning my entire room: 5 minutes and so on. I would even give such hard temperament to Jaan when he picked me up 5 minutes late. With the numbers staring back at me, I knew I had to make a plan. Like Arif used to tell me on my face: "Slow down." "Breathe". "Think!"
And so I decided to slow down my pace. It has been quite a few months already, still progressing as in I moved in slow motion, I started in the shower, focusing on the feeling of the water spilling over my head, why I had never noticed these before? While I was in the room I played slow music. At first I felt alien and still. Sometimes I would catch myself switching into my old rhythm especially when I had to run errands and again had to remind myself to slow down the pace. After a few months, my family noticed it
However, I am begining to daydream and procastinating more than usual. "People tend to rehearse through day-dreams the changes they would like to make in their lives" says one of the psychologists in Columbia.Those daydreams feel so much better than what is going on in our actual life that we might find it hard to take action in the real world. For example, if you are unhappy at work, you may spend so much time day-dreaming about what it would be like to have a new work or own business that you fall behind on the job. Pay close attention to what you fantasize about. " If you keep dreaming about the same thing, that’s a clue to what you might need to change," D.Jain says. Like myself I ve been dreaming to have my own time to write and to teach people. At the same time, I would be able to look after my husband, kids and running a small scale of business and to be able to travel and dive a bit.
Another clue is based on my 4 years of experience, you feel irritable, angry or depressed most of the time. Having trouble dragging yourself out of bed or dreading going to work every day is a sure sign that somethings needs to change. You may not even realise how unhappy you are if things have been slowly getting worse over time. Talking to friends and family can help you figure out if what you are feeling is temporary or part of a long-term patten. You are restless or vaguely dissatisfied.
Being depressed is not the only clue you need a change. Simple, nagging dissatisfaction is also a clear sign that something is just not right. Most of the time often with women who need a change in their relationship. I hope that whoever reads this may have some ideas or hints that some people they are too timid to speak their mind out and the only thing that you need to notice is her or his attitudes. You may think that my boyfriend/girlfriend is nice but there is something missing or nothing is wrong but this does not feel right. An unsettled feeling usually is a sign that deep down you know that you need to make a change, but you have not figured out what that change is yet.
Yes, you have an unfullfiled dearm or a major life goal that you are no closer to reaching than you were a year or two ago. Perhaps you know exactly what your ideal life looks like. You have not done anything about it yet. The biggest reason people put off pursuing their dreams is fear. Making a big, exciting strecth is terrifying and that fear is a good sign. If its sound mundane to you, that’s not good. "Follow the fear that’s the direction you need to go", Jain says. As a conclusion, I might take one step at a time whereby I know that deep down that I need to change and when the right time has come , I will not hesitate to follow to that directon. I completely believe that living through a big change teaches us about our own capabilities and we will learn that we are a lot stronger, smarter and more motivated than we thought, plus we also gain a greater sense of indepence and control over life. God willing.:)
And I am sure that all mothers would agree that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, the scars on the belly are the badges of honors, but that becoming a mother will leave us with an emotional wound so raw that we will forever be vulnerable when it comes to protect our own offspring. One thing I am sure that I always fall in love with my husband as a man who will carefully powder the baby and play with his child ( I know you are reading my blog jaan ). When there was a time I felt it was so funny to look at a man did that to his child. This blessed gift from God (Allah)..that of being a MOTHER.
